My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
it's great music for shaving your balls
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
