you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
