just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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