You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
