I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize