Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Less talking, more tequila
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
