No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
