how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
