I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
