He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
