you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
