New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
