apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize