found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
As shirtless as possible
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
