My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
