if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
