Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
