I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
