Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize