Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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