So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
