I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
too bad you live with your parents still
He uses pillows to masturbate.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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