p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize