New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
