Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Randomize
