Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
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