there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
