just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
