It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
