Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
