Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
NoShamevember. You game?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize