two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
