dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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