All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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