and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize