a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
