I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
