I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
