Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Please don't give away my fajitas
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
