So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
