Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
