listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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