You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
