so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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