I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
