I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Randomize
