i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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