Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
