Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
