Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
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