he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Randomize
