peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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