Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
