I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Randomize
