Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Randomize
