When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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