DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
