I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
