would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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