If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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