shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
