come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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