From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
