Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
