I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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