puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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