Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
