Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Randomize
