You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
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