I will die if light touches me.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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