i just google imaged poop.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
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