why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
