I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
3pm strippers are depressing
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
