I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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