btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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