i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
