Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
