I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize
