Umm I'm too high to move.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
