Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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