I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
