Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
