is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
