I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
