it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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