a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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