White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
