yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize