He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
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