We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
