I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
