Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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