i wish my penis had a tongue
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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