The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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