so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
