batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
