omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
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