Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
