pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
So vagazzling was a success
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
