I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
wow bdsm is so cute
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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