If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
