...so i touched it.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
